Don't want to sleep

"Don't want to sleep

for fear I will dream of you
and wake up in tears
like I always do

I want to stay awake forever
in a room that doesn't have pictures of you
so I won't spend all of my time
staring at them and missing you

A million times a day
I pick up my phone
I think maybe if I just call you
...but I always stop myself

I know that if I call you
you won't answer
And I'll be sad
and mope around forever

I spend so much time pretending to be happy
sometimes I have to walk away
just to let myself be sad
I don't want to pretend
but I have to for my own sake

I stay up until I can't any longer
Everytime I close my eyes you're there
And I don't know what to do
I can't seem to let go
I don't want to let go either

Prom is Saturday
and if I go
I'll be stuck thinking of you
and how it's the reason you're mad right now
I just don't understand
so I will end up staying home
and crying silently to myself

I don't want to sleep
I don't want to dream of you
I just want this to dissappear
and for you to call
How much longer do I have to wait
just for you to call

I sit at work on my break
staring at my phone
those thiry minutes were always spent
talking to you
So now that I can't call you
I don't know what else to do

Some days I can pull myself through
but only by pretending
I'm so tired lately
from trying not to sleep

I wish I could just sleep
but it makes things worse
to see you in my dreams

Almost everyday
I have to drive down that street
the one where we had our first kiss
and it hurts everytime

So many memories
but now what?

Just me trying not to sleep
for the fear I will dream of you"

©2006 ~SelflessDefect